I was recently reviewing some past entries from both my brother and me, and, for no apparent reason, my eyes fixed on a word from our Blog title… Dreams.
From a very young age, I have always had graphic dreams. Unfortunately, a good number of them have not been the pleasant, nostalgic ones that the title of the Blog would seem to presuppose. Frankly, the pleasant nostalgia referred to in the title usually takes place when I am well awake and quietly reflecting on our childhood.
Actual dreams when sleeping? Well, they have never been a favorite part of my life. From early childhood, they have always been “scary” or unpleasant. Not Freddy Kruger scary, but scary nonetheless.
I believe that I have mentioned on numerous occasions that I was not a very brave kid…. basically afraid of my own shadow. I’m not sure why this is, but I know it is fact. I use the present tense because I am still not the heroic type.
My memories of “scary dreams” go back to the very early years on West 12st. ( see my entry entitled “The Hall”)
Without repeating everything I wrote there, suffice it to say that my bedroom was the last one at the end of a very long hallway. My parent’s bedroom (and safety) were at the opposite end. Whenever I had a scary dream, which was quite often, I would have to navigate that long, dark hallway to the aforementioned safety. There were rooms all down the hallway, offering perfect, dark hiding places for whatever had been stalking me in my dream, resulting in me making a mad dash down that hallway to safety. I must have been a real joy to my parents.
Childhood bad dreams (being chased by a werewolf, or disembodied head) gave way the other nightmares as I moved into adolescence. Of course, being older I could not run to my parents any longer. Thankfully, we had moved from the West 12 Street Apartment to our new place on West 17st, where I shared a room with my little brother. In spite of the fact that he is six years younger than me, just having him in the room helped, but not much. The content of my nightmares changed, but my reaction did not. Werewolves were replaced by evil characters from movies which I thought I was “big enough” to watch. ( see Psycho entry). Even television shows such as The Twilight Zone and the Outer Limits invaded my dreams. Of course, when I was around others I would boast of how “cool” the show or movie was… but when it was time to turn out the lights… sleep was elusive. I always required a night light before sharing a room with my little brother, but how pathetic would it be for the older brother to ask for said light in our shared room? So, instead, I would wake up from the dream frozen in fear, turning my eyes (without moving my head) toward my sleeping brother, to ensure he was there.
Adolescence into young adult, young adult to adult…..nothing has changed. Sure, the nature of the dreams/nightmares have taken on a different look, but, their frequency and intensity remain.
Candidly, I would prefer to go back to the Werewolf or Psycho dreams, as my dreams have evolved to include things not happening to me, but to loved ones. (My wife, kids, brother etc.) (I assume as one gets older, the fear of losing loved ones increases?) of course, I can’t be pragmatic or logical about it… I have to dream about it!! Have you ever quickly awakened from a nightmare, not sure if you are still in the dream or not? You are simply frozen? That describes me pretty well.
I had a weird/ scary one last night. I was at a place I had worked at in the past. I was looking for the main entrance( it was a large Grocery Store). All the entrances were blocked with plastic and construction material as if it was under construction or being renovated. For some reason, I needed to get in. As I was looking around for an open entrance, a guy walks by and says “hi Don”..then he just keeps walking. I recognize him clearly as a co-worker from back in the day. I also am highly aware that he passed away a few years ago. I start calling for Rhonda ( my wife) saying I need to come home, but can’t remember where I parked the car. Then I wake up, still calling, (I think.)
Welcome to my dream world.
So, I’m not sure why other than noticing the title to our blog, I have rambled on about dreams and nightmares. I could go on and on…. perhaps on another blog.
For now, suffice it to say, I wish we had called this Cobblestone Reflections…..