So…. we are now into a new year. Good lord, 2019! Say that again.. 2019? What happened to 2018? Did it really fly by that fast?
I recall the lyrics of a Simon and Garfunkle song Rob and used to sing as kids.
“.. and the leaves that are green turn to brown…
And they wither in the wind….”
As one gets older the passage of one season to another and the dawn of a new year does not hold the same excitement and sense of anticipation that it did when we were kids.
I find myself reflecting on the past. The moments that perhaps I didn’t appreciate as much as I should have. The people who were in my life that are now gone. Did I let them know how much they meant to me when they were here? I think of The good times… the bad times and all the in-between times.
As that kid, the start of a new year was an exciting time. I was a year older, and that was a good thing, right? Just think of all the things I always wanted to do that the older kids got to do! Stay up late, go out with their friends at night, wear cool clothes, drive, smoke… the list of new adventures seemed endless. The start of a new year brought me closer to that perceived promised land. I would move on to a higher grade in school and now I could be the “cool kid” that the younger ones looked up to (in my mind at least). There was always something else I longed for in the new year ahead of me. This would be THE year I would “fit in” at school. This would be THE FIRST DAY year I would have more friends. As I left 8th grade, I was thrilled at the prospect of being a Freshman in High School! Until I got there. Then I looked forward to THE year that I would become a Sophomore! Then I could tease and harass the Freshmen. BUT wait! The next year I would be a Junior! Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!
Even in insignificant little things, the New Year promised to make things better. Rob and I were always very much into the Christmas Season and the excitement and magic surrounding it. We wanted the weather to be cold! Perhaps even a little snow… that would make Christmas perfect. If the weather did not cooperate and the Christmas season proved to be unseasonably warm, we were disappointed. However, we were young! Plenty of Christmas’ to come! Next year will be perfect, just wait and see!!
And how about our TV shows! The season of Rawhide was ok this year… but, just wait till next year! It will be awesome! We waited in fixed anticipation for the fall and the start of a new season for all our shows.
“I can’t wait until……..” became somewhat of a standing mantra. Whether it was a new school year, next Christmas, the release of the Stones new album, the new season of “Get Smart”, whatever; we always seemed to be looking forward to the new year… the new season.) “Can’t wait for Summer!” Can’t wait for Fall… for Christmas… always “can’t wait.”
Not so much now. I find myself longing for time to slow down a bit. Seems like we just celebrated the 4th of July and now Christmas is over? A New Year is on us? When did that happen! Slow down!
Another fact that I find myself smiling at. Now, my mind seems to focus on the past rather than the future. All the Christmas’ with family( I find I don’t even remember what the weather was like). How about sitting next to Rob on the floor in our apartment watching that special episode of Rawhide, The Stones Sticky Fingers Album. (don’t remember the year… but who cares. ) and what about THAT weekend! You know, the Stones concert in Philly and Sinatra live in Atlantic City with Rob and his wife and my wife and me… all on the same weekend! Going to that Mets game with the family, my first date with my wife. On and on it goes and I find my focus more on past years rather than “new years”.
This is not to say I have ceased looking forward to things, but it IS to say that I have come to witness the incredible speed of the passage of time. Perhaps in my life, I have spent too much time looking forward to what’s next than appreciating what is? Who knows?
I am thankful for all the memories, both the good and the bad. The good cause me to smile and long for those moments again. The bad? Well, they serve as reminders of how things can go wrong and hopefully also serve as lessons to help me not make the same mistakes again.
I guess this is what Cobblestone Dreams is all about.